A most unusual sensation, a surprise neither pleasant nor unpleasant, but invoking an unparalleled curiosity. Finding this layer of the onion, your soul with in you, not lying beside you, clutching to stay with you while you sleep. You and are I are tainted by muddy surroundings, choking on incense and stubbing our toes when we grow. This capturing act, solidified in glorious technology, I will not blame it on narcissism, not like staring at a mirror, a reverse of you, you as you want to capture you. I see with infant eyes, what not one in the entire universe could ever find, the ability to exit the body, but not transcend, not learn anything. I remember how the mirror is stagnant, flat and cold, abruptly placing mirror girl in an equally distanced, expected reflection, blocked by frozen eyes unable to catch a real glance, an unknown version of the embryo. Her eyes are those of a stranger, this person too close to be unfamiliar. It never got old, this educating video, her outline cut and pasted into a background normally ignored by the naked eye. Watching it was like standing in a room surrounded by hundreds of jagged mirrors, revealing strands of DNA and their progression to adulthood.
The anxiety that normally creeps behind the eyes in moments of pressure, the self conscious actions of the leader, all abated and fallen away when the subject is unaware of his subjection. Captured this way she was free to be a stranger, it made the viewer gasp; seeing her movements so different than how they feel to perform. One’s voice is normally heard from under rocks, or underwater, distorted by brain juice, other worldly reverberations. But today I hear with clearer sense, through the airwaves, but still do not get to the bottom of the secret. It is merely an opening up of the onion, a rare glance at reality, unfiltered by new and shining electrical eyes. To see for a moment with the eyes of god, each and every one of you, I am the result of factor after factor, a meatball with my foreign mannerisms.
May 2008
