For my teaching credential program starting this Fall we were asked to begin writing a casual journal about what kind of teacher we want to become, thoughts on teaching, or really anything related to our future goals as a teacher. I was pretty much not excited about summer homework, because that's basically what it is, but so far it has actually been fun. Here's an excerpt from my first entry about the differences between being an adolescent and emerging out of your twenties, the fear of growing old, and the glorification of youth.
(some background info: this was influenced by a half drunken conversation between Kai, myself, Jesse and Jordan at Sophia's)
...she [Kai] exudes a strength and self-confidence I have never known, that seems to have emerged only with the passage of time. It is this self confidence and overt happiness that show everyone around her that she is comfortable in her own skin, in both the mistakes and successes she has experienced in life so far, and that she is not afraid of growing older. In fact, she welcomes it with opens arms; if she has learned one thing about surviving her teens and early twenties, it is that life only gets better and better. That is, if you let it.
Last night she explained her “philosophy” on this subject in more depth; she claimed that emerging from her mid twenties she began to experience a sort of “second awakening,” much like the wonder that a child feels towards all the new stimuli in his ever expanding world. This second coming is even better though, according to Kai, because one has all the memories and experiences of the last thirty or so years, and one begins to see all of those things, and the new things, in a completely refreshing light, with wonder and excitement. She said it was like going outside and removing dark sunglasses; she now appreciates the little things, taking joy in seemingly typical activities like getting coffee with a friend, or being thrilled by the notion of going to the zoo.
While hearing her talk about these things, it almost made me a sad to think about how often teenagers and twenty-somethings miss out on these little joys because they are too busy worrying about what their peers, or what society, will think of their interests or attitudes. I did, and still do, sometimes feel trapped by the pressures of what is “right” and what is “wrong” and the turmoil of finding oneself and growing up is so exasperating, that depression and anxiety are now very normal phenomena in the young (the nonchalant deaths of the girls of The Virgin Suicides come to mind..."Obviously, Doctor, you've never been a thirteen year old girl"). There is almost something wrong with a person if he is comfortable and content with his life at a young age.
Kai is also extremely frustrated with the glorification of youth, and I completely agree. The youth of today are taught from a very young age that they are special and envied by the old and wrinkled. Contrary to popular belief, simply being 18 does not mean you have done anything worthy of praise. As these teenagers age, they carry with them the fear of decay and thus go to extremes to maintain their youth for as long as possible; this creates bitter adults who feel as if they have done something wrong by being 40, when in fact they should appreciate the knowledge (some might say wisdom) they have acquired over the years, and should be more happy as their lives progress. Instead, most are high strung with children they cannot relate to, running frantic errands in palates gear, getting chemical peels, and marrying for money. This is an extreme example, but one all too prevalent in those approaching middle age in this youth obsessed society.
All this being said, I want to take the unique opportunity of being a teacher and mentor of the youth, by showing them, by example, that growing up and becoming comfortable with oneself is a beautiful thing. There are, of course, many, many things to enjoy in youth, but they need to understand that the discoveries they make each day will increase and only make them happier and more fulfilled as they age. In turn, I hope they fear aging less, and maybe even gain respect for their elders, who can show them that the wonder of life is available until the day they die.
Sometimes I feel as though I am on the brink of this second awaking myself, and sometimes I feel like it is a million miles away. Fits of depression and confusion still sometimes plague me; I feel tired and bored and unmotivated. But the good thing is that I am aware of how I feel, and the fact that I will grow out of it sooner rather than later. My self-consciousness will fade away, I will exude a feeling of genuine joy; I am already excited for the future and the new things I will learn and see with my sunglasses off.
